The 'Sometimes' Moments & A Conscious Separation
The more I continue to carve my own path in life and pursue this whole running a business thing, the more I'm learning about what that really looks like. This week particularly, I've been thinking a lot about the word 'sometimes'.
SOMETIMES
Sometimes, I feel like I'm on top of the world and truly reaching my definition of success. Sometimes, I wonder whether things will ever feel / look like I want them to.
Sometimes, I'm a little in awe of myself and what I'm achieving. Sometimes, I question if I'm too young and credit everything I've accomplished to good luck and the right timing.
Sometimes, my bank balance feels never-ending and paid invoices just keep adding up. Sometimes, I can't fall asleep until I've calculated my ability to pay my bills that month.
What we do is consumed by these moments of 'sometimes'. So much so that I can only describe the emotional rollercoaster of running your own business as volatile. Not in a negative way, but more in a 'I have little to no control over the twists and turns this journey takes and flip me can the tides turn quickly' way.
The reality is, we all have these moments. It's the nature of what we do. And let's be honest, probably part of the reason why we love it. The uncertainty is exciting. The ups and downs bring a challenge. The prospect of what's next keeps us pushing forward. We thrive off of it.
But what I don't thrive off of is how the whiplash of those 'sometimes' moments can begin to seep into everything.
INTERTWINED
When I'm not conscious about it, my business becomes an extension of my personal life. Linked in such a way that any emotion which one feels is intrinsically reflected in the other. If I feel sad about a personal loss, my business doesn't move forward. If I end the day on a good email, I go to bed happy.
In a way, that lack of separation and instead emotional attachment is what makes us good at what we do. It makes us care. It brings life to our work. It ensures that everything we do and create carries the most unique thing we can bring - ourselves.
But in another sense, when things don't feel 10/10 all round (which let's be real, is often), feeling like your business and personal life flow from and into each other can be a negative thing. For me, the last few months have been a shining example of this.
THE CONSCIOUS SEPARATION
Since discussing it on my friend Fi's podcast, I've been processing the fact that late last year, these two sides collided. After a long-term relationship broke down just 7 days before the launch of Gather & Grow, each area within my life (business / personal) needed different things from me.
Whilst in the past I had embraced how connected my personal life and business felt, that was the first time I truly recognised their obvious need for separation. On one side everything in me wanted to sit in bed, eat all the calories and press pause on work, whilst in contrast, I knew that my business needed me to show up. And despite the reality of those few weeks being un-imaginably hard, I learnt such a valuable lesson.
I learnt that when I needed my business and personal life not to work in unison, it was feasible.
I learnt that it was possible to untangle my emotions in a way that meant what I was feeling Monday - Friday didn't act as a forecast for the weekends mindset.
And most significantly, I learnt that consciously creating this separation empowered me to be fully in tune as to what each part of my life was asking for and consequently, practice self care.
It's not something I've fully figured out, but a concept I hope to continue exploring and seeing the benefits of throughout this year. A concept I encourage you, if you haven't already come to terms with, to discover.
I love my business. I love my personal life. But sometimes they're better apart.
(I have no clue how to end this weeks letter, but you're great, I'm majorly cheering you on and would seriously love to know any thoughts you have off the back of what I've written)
x x