What I'm Not Telling You
It’s been a while. Almost two months to be exact. The reason? You’ll get it once you read this email.
But before we get to that, I just wanted to say hello, because a lot seems to have happened in the last 8 weeks. The biggest of those being that THE RETREAT WAS LAST WEEK AND IT WENT SO WELL. I still can’t get over the fact that the little idea I had last year has become a reality. 14 women. 4 days. The most impactful blend of connection, breakthroughs, clarity and hot tubs. I LOVED IT.
So much so thattttt *drum roll please* I’m going to host another retreat this Autumn!! I’m either stupid or crazy - probably both? Anyway. I’ll be back in your inbox soon to share a little more info but until then, feel free to join the waitlist to be first in line.
Alright, over-excitement and self promo over, let’s get into the email. Buckle up for a longer than usual but (in my opinion) important conversation…
THERE'S SOMETHING I'M NOT TELLING YOU...
Something which, despite having an online presence intrenched in honesty, taking off the filter and telling it how it is, still gets held back.
Something which has taken me a good 6 weeks to put language to (hence the radio silence of these emails).
Something which even in the safe space that is these emails, feels a little daunting to share.
That something is...
JUST HOW MUCH I SACRIFICE IN THE PROCESS OF BUILDING MY BUSINESS
Whilst it’s a topic I share online to an extent, I’ve never quite felt the permission to tell it how it is. You see, there’s a certain extremity which gets missed out. An extremity which I want to share and explore with you today.
Because the conversation needs to be had. With every shiny launch I share or ‘I so admire what you’ve achieved’ message I receive (which I am so grateful for), everything in me just wants to shout BUT LET ME TELL YOU WHAT IT REALLY TOOK. It feels like an incomplete conversation. It feels wrong.
SO HERE GOES. HERE'S MY REALTY...
Sometimes I start work at 7am, eat at my desk and don’t leave my (home) office until gone midnight
It’s not uncommon for me to hit Wednesday evening and feel completely wiped out (nodding my head as I edit this email on a Wednesday night…)
My average sleep on a weekday is just under 6 hours a night
I spend far less time with my friends than I’d like to admit and have 100% seen relationships damaged as a result of my work
Now before discussing the real question here (which is why I don’t necessarily feel the permission to share that^), let me clear a few things up…
I don’t feel proud of those statements, neither do I believe any of the above are ‘impressive’ or ‘admirable'
I'm fully aware that this is an unsustainable (and slightly unhealthy) way of working / living - burnout is something I'm all to familiar with and as a result, overly conscious of
But what I do know is that this is my truth. This is the lifestyle I choose for myself. And most importantly, this is what has built my business. And that’s something that needs to be shared.
Looking ahead at this coming month, I feel deeply unconformable knowing that 3 pretty shiny launches are going live (Autumn retreat, new website & exciting project…) yet nobody will really see or understand what’s been sacrificed to make those a reality.
I’ve been there. I’ve seen others play big when my reality has been so different. I know how easy it is to look at what everyone else is doing without understanding or acknowledging the co-existing stress / chaos / uncertainty / risk and ultimately, sacrifice. I get it. And everything in me wants to play my part in telling the whole story.
So surely I’d want to share all of the above? You’d think so. But anytime I go to talk about feeling exhausted, working late / early or missing out on seeing friends, something stops me. And it's not just the fact that I can pre-empt the influx of V well intending but slightly frustrating messages about 'taking it easy' or 'looking after myself', it's something deeper than that.
WHY I DON’T FEEL THE PERMISSION TO SHARE
1) AM I A BAD INFLUENCE?
I’m hyper conscious of how my content could and does impact others. And so the thought of unintentionally promoting or glamorising the (somewhat unhealthy, let's be honest) lifestyle I have, just doesn’t sit well with me. You see, just because it’s my truth doesn’t mean it should be yours.
We’re all building something different. We're all such different people - different circumstances, lifestyles, privilege, values and priorities. So ultimately, the way we go about building our business’ is going to be just that - different.
I don’t work and live this way because I feel like I need to, or even because I think it’s what’s needed to build a successful business (it’s not). I do it because I want to. Because I’m so excited by what I’m building that it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. Because my life has the capacity to facilitate this way of working.
But like I've said, just because it’s my truth doesn’t mean it should be yours.
It comes down to making a choice. Finding the equilibrium point between where you want to be and what you’re able / willing to do to get there. I fear that by sharing the reality of my equilibrium, I could unintentionally cause others to question or even worse, feel bad about what they've chosen. And that’s not what I’m about.
2) MY CLIENTS ARE MY PRIORITY
But even after walking myself through that barrier, reminding myself that we're all mature adults who can acknowledge and accept that how we do what we do all comes down to choice, another factor gets in the way - my clients.
As a service based business, my clients are my biggest priority. Ensuring that their experience in working with me is as 10/10 as possible is at the forefront of everything I do. It’s why I send out client welcome packs. It’s why I invest in on-boarding software. It’s why I separate my inbox so I can reply to them first. It's why I'm constantly learning.
And it’s also why I’m hesitant to share the impact that my work has on me.
I want each of my clients to finish our work together feeling impacted by my support and insight, full stop. I don’t want them feeling responsible for my tiredness. I don’t want them feeling like a burden for scheduling a call.
Let's take the retreat as an example. A huge risk. The most significant week in my business so far. The impact on me? I hardly ate. I hardly slept. I felt sick 90% of the time.
Did I want any of the guests to know that and therefore carry the weight of / be aware of it? Of course not. But is it part and parcel of what I do and ultimately something I want you, my community of fellow business owners, to know? Of course. Do you see my dilemma here?!
MAYBE I’M JUST OVERTHINKING IT?
If whilst making your way through this email you hoped it would end with a neat little conclusion, I’m afraid you’re about to be disappointed. Despite weeks of processing, I just don’t think it’s a ‘get over yourself Alice and trust people to take the content in the right way’ situation.
Because those two factors will always be of total importance to me. And a consciousness around what I share and how this could impact others will forever be a priority.
So as with most things, I think it’s a case of starting the conversation (*insert joke about my podcast name here*). So if this email is the start of that conversation, help me to continue it...
Is there a subconscious connection between the way you see others build their business' and how you view your own approach?
Do you think it's important to share and uncover the behind the scenes of what you do?
How do you approach this within your business and subsequent online presence?
Should I just press send on this email and accept that it’ll never feel perfect? (yes)
Whether you read this email and nodded your head the whole way through or have never considered this topic before and think I’m totally overthinking it, I’d love to hear your perspective - just hit reply.
As for these emails, it feels good to be back! I’m so grateful you let me show up in your inbox every other week (or every 6 weeks, you never know with me!) and truly love getting the opportunity to share more of my behind the scenes.
Until next time, I’m cheering you on.